an elated man

have you ever stopped to think about who lived in your home before you did? whether you live in a house or an apartment, odds are someone was there before you. they slept in the bedroom, cooked in the kitchen and showered in the bathroom.

only in rare instances, like the production of an HGTV reality show, do people really interact with the old or new inhabitants of their living quarters. well, i was lucky enough to make the acquaintance of the former resident of an apartment i had down south.

it was a nice apartment, lots of space for the $416 i paid in rent that first year. i enjoyed amenities that i haven’t had the privilege of enjoying since that time – a dishwasher, bathroom counter and rather spacious balcony. but the walls were very very thin. this was bad for two reasons, and before your mind goes there, neither involves me doing anything i can’t share with grandma.

the first reason is that i was kind of nebby (read as “nosey” if you’re not familiar with pittsburghese). i would pay close attention to what was going on outside my apartment. i knew when my neighbors got home from partying, had a “date” over and when their phone rang.

the second is that even when i was minding my own business, hearing some things was unavoidable. let’s just say the couple upstairs enjoyed being close to each other very very much. they were kind enough to let the girl’s son have the bedroom, which left them in the living room, above me, as i surfed the internet and watched tv. i’m not sure either of them worked. modesty was not a virtue either of them possessed. to be honest i don’t remember actually seeing the people that lived upstairs at any point…. ok maybe i do, but i can’t picture their faces and the story is funnier if you think of them as faceless people mating like rabbits.

the guy that lived next door was “older” like 40’s older. which doesn’t seem like a big deal now, but at 22, he was most definitely the old guy at the club to me. the guy driving an older model sporty car while listening to r&B. the guy with a baldy because he started to get the horseshoe on top of his head. the type of guy that would wear an all white linen outfit and take his “lady friend” to a comedy show. he was the guy that went to the old school soul funk jazz back in the day lounge party at the aggie eagle football classic. i think you get my point.

one evening i heard him outside his door with another guy. i peaked out of the peep hole to see what was going on. the guy with him was about to leave and said “hey man, does a short lady live there?” i jumped back from the door. then laughed. when i moved in i had asked them to put in a new hole thingy so that i could see out of it. they filled the other one in with some sort of silly putty. i kind of took exception to the term “lady”, sounded old, but yes, a short young woman was now living in the apartment.

fast forward to i don’t know how much later, i arrive home to a package in front of my door. not a box, one of those cardboard envelopes. it had the right address but somebody else’s name. i think i called to let them know they had the wrong address, but for some reason i ended up just calling the guy (who i think turned out to be the neighbor’s friend) because his number was on the package and let him know it had been delivered to me. he said he used to live there and was in the area so he could come get it. the package must have said urgent because looking back i can’t imagine why i was so helpful. if that happened today the person just wouldn’t get their delivery.

come to think of it, it must have had his new address on it and they just delivered it to me by accident. i don’t know. anyway after he picked it up i had a feeling i had opened up a can of worms. he was trying to draw out the conversation.

he drove off in a truck – can’t remember if it was an suv or pick-up truck. minutes later he called me.

i figured he was calling to thank me. but the first thing he says “i knew that kid wasn’t mine!” hmmmm.

he proceeded to catch me up on the last 5 years of his life. apparently he had been out of town for a while and there was a paternity situation… he had been eagerly awaiting these results.

and krisirisi lets out a deep sigh while shaking her head.

i’m not sure why i was (seemingly) the first person he called when he got the results. we just met 5 minutes before. was this an attempt stay in contact with me? to possibly date me? or was he just so elated that he just hit send and his phone dialed my number? i’m still not sure and as the years go on my memory gets more and more foggy. i guess it’s to his credit that he was somewhat forthcoming about being in that situation to begin with… some get the opposite test result and still deny, deny, deny…

sad on so many levels… and just when i thought i had told you all my early 20’s single gal era stories…

enjoy the video. i think it’s fitting. 🙂

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